now I understand  though it still hurts a bit
by fallingstar22
Summary: Set after 4.15; Jo and Zoe had been best friends… then the Zane-concerning-developments happened & Zoe thought they would never be friends like before. But after a talk with her Dad she sees everything through different eyes – so she & Jo can finally talk


Set after 4.15

...

I don't own anything!

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><p>...now I understand...though it still hurts a bit<p>

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><p>Zoe was in her room at SARAH, but still couldn't find sleep. Her thoughts kept wandering to the events of today.<p>

Too much had happened. First coming home, arguing with Jo why she had gone behind her back and then finding everyone asleep. Then the talk with her dad…What a hell of a day!

But now everything had gone back to normal. By now everyone was awake again and no one had died. Just a few scratches and a few broken bones were the worst that had happened when all the people had fallen to the ground unconscious.

Only a little bit of confusion was left among the inhabitants of Eureka, as most of them didn't know what exactly had happened and why.

Zoe wasn't sure, what her dad had told them. Something about an experiment gone wrong, she thought.

But though she knew exactly what had happened, she was still a little bit confused because of something else.

…

It had been what her dad had told her after everything went back to normal. She had told her dad, that she didn't know what was going on with Zane and he had answered her by telling her the whole truth.

She had wondered how the woman, she considered to be her best friend, had been able to do these things behind her back.

How could she meet Zane, when she had been telling her that she was dating him?

She had told Jo all the exciting news, developments, nearly everything about their meetings.

And she had also wondered a bit, why Jo hadn't seemed to take part in her happiness. Why she hadn't been so keen on getting to know every detail.

Just why?

Reconsidering the talk with her dad, she knew now why Jo had seemed a bit distant… she understood it.

If she was true to herself, she had realized it before.

The sad look in Jo's eyes, each time she, Jo and Zane had been standing together for a few seconds. She had noticed it back in her head…just never thought about it really.

Why had she never bothered to ask her why she had looked like she was in pain?

… Probably because she had only seen her own happiness when she met Zane.

… maybe because she had only talked about herself and never asked Jo, how she felt and if something new had happened to her.

… so after all, she hadn't been such a nice friend to her, too.

… what had only happened to them? Causing each other pain without noticing it right away?

Maybe it had been the distance, when she had been off to college. They had kept contact, but her mails had gotten shorter and shorter. With all the stress and learning she hadn't found enough time to write Jo everything.

Well, it hadn't been the same like back in Eureka.

She guessed, she had begun her own path away from Eureka. And with her own and new path she had lost more contact to the people she had left behind.

But today, after "saving" them all – her being their hero, like her dad had told her proud – her new paths seemed to be getting her old ones, too. She would always end up here…

Even when she finished her studies and exams and got a job… would it be a job here in Eureka? She half guessed it would go like that, that she would end up here… again.

…

Yawning, but still unable to sleep she made her way downstairs as she wanted to drink something.

Her dad had already gone to bed, so she thought she would be the only one awake.

"Hello Zoe, can I get you something?" asked SARAH.

"Just a glass of water would be nice," Zoe replied and took the glass with her a few seconds later. She went to the couch, getting comfortable with laying her legs on the couch, too.

After taking a few sips she thought about Jo again and felt sorry for her and everything she must have gone through. though she still was a bit hurt herself, she knew it had to be nothing compared to what Jo must have gone through.

…

"Zoe?" asked a voice from behind and she nearly jumped up frightened. But realizing it was just Jo, she made herself comfortable again.

"Do you mind?" Jo asked her pointing towards the Sofa.

"No sure." Zoe answered and wondered why Jo was awake.

Jo went to sit down at the other end of the couch, taking the end of Zoe's legs on her lap.

_Just like old times_, Zoe thought.

"So, why are you still up?" Jo asked her.

"Couldn't sleep." Zoe answered and asked back, "and you?"

"Couldn't sleep, too." Came the reply.

"… I guess because of everything that had happened." Zoe thought out loud.

"Yeah, I understand." Jo agreed thinking about the whole day.

"No, you don't understand. You haven't been told the same things I have been told." Zoe disagreed.

These words spoken, no one said anything for a few seconds. Each girl thought about her own thoughts and finally Jo broke the silence.

"If it is about this whole thing with Zane… I'm sorry." Jo finally managed to say. She had wanted to apologize long before, but couldn't get over herself. From her point of view, she didn't need an excuse… but from Zoe's point of view it was quiet understandable that she expected one. She had hurt her unwillingly enough as she couldn't explain the whole thing. So the least she could do was offer an excuse.

"No, it's not that… I mean yes and now." Zoe finally managed to tell her.

"So, what do you mean?" Jo asked confused.

"I mean, I got to know even more than the whole sleeping-city-thing." As she saw Jo's look and that she clearly had no guess about what she was talking, she continued:

"Well, you know, when I told you to go and talk to Zane?" Jo nodded and Zoe went on with her explanation. "I told dad, that I didn't understand what was going on with Zane. He just took me and as we left he told me that the time was right for me to know. So he began telling me about what was going on. You know, about you, Fargo, Henry, Allison and dad. And…of you and Zane… of what you had been to each other before."

"Oh Zoe, I'm so sorry." Jo interrupted her. "I couldn't tell you as we all had an agreement and … and Zane… well, he found out most of it by himself."

"It's ok, Jo." Zoe reassured her. "I understand it now. Well, at first I didn't… but thinking about everything in the last time it made sense. I'm not angry at you."

"You're not?" Jo wondered.

"No, I mean I was. But I'm not anymore. The whole thing still hurts a bit, but... in fact … I am sorry, too." Zoe told her honestly.

"Why?" Jo wondered. Zoe had made no fault at all. How would she feel sorry?

"For not being a great friend?" Zoe tried and went on before Jo could say anything.

"You know I had a lot of time to think about it. I realized the sad look on your face every time Zane appeared. I just didn't think enough to ask you why. A good friend would have done that. I saw that you felt pain, but … I myself had been so happy that I didn't think about asking you how you were feeling. I just talked about myself, Zane… myself, not noticing that I never really wanted to know how you were. And I talking about Zane must have hurt you a lot throughout the whole time. I just never bothered enough to ask. I'm sorry for that."

Zoe then paused a second and went on:

"I know you must have felt alone the whole time. You didn't have anyone to talk to about it. Fargo had been too busy leading GD and getting everything right. Henry had his own problems, getting to know his _wife_ again or better to say for the first time. Allison had no time as she had a baby and… I know that Kevin hasn't always been the same. So she had had a lot to handle. And then Dad… well he and Allison have gotten together and with helping her with the kids and all…it seems no one was left you could talk to."

Jo was surprised and touched by hearing that. It made her see what a good friend Zoe was to her and how much she cared about her. And she was relieved that she didn't need to hide it anymore before Zoe.

"You know what had hurt the most besides Zane not knowing anything?" Jo paused and Zoe realized that her eyes looked a bit watery. But Jo didn't cry, as Jo never seemed to cry and she went on taking a deep breath: "I couldn't talk to anyone. Not even you…you're my best friend and I… I couldn't tell you… even if you had still lived here… I couldn't have told you and …I felt so alone. The whole time."

"Yes, I'm so sorry Jo." Zoe told her again.

"No, you don't need to be sorry. How would you have known?" Jo replied and went on. "But now you know... so we can talk, can't we?"

"Yes," Zoe answered and moved towards Jo to hug her. She was glad that she and Jo had finally talked about it and everything would be going back to normal.

As they separated and looked at each other, Jo suddenly began to laugh and Zoe couldn't resist joining her. The whole situation was just so awkward, that it was somehow funny.

"You know what, Zoe?" Jo managed to say through her laughter.

"No? What?" Zoe laughed back and wondered what Jo meant.

"First you looked like you wanted to kill me when you arrived at the airport. Then we have to save the whole City, alone. And now we can't stop laughing!"

Zoe just nodded and as both of them could speak again, Jo made the beginning.

"We make a great team," Jo smiled, referring to both of them saving Eureka.

"Yes we do," Zoe smiled back.

Now, that everything was settled she couldn't hide her curiosity anymore.

"So tell me everything!" Zoe smiled at her and added, "… you know, everything from the beginning…ending with today at GD."

"Sure? You're not tired?" Jo asked, glad to have her old friend back.

"Yeah, I can't sleep and we have the whole night to talk and catch up!" Zoe explained grinning.

"Ok," Jo smiled, and it was one of the first true smiles for a long time. "Great to have you back! Oh, and by the way – nice hair!"

"SARAH, would you make us some tea? It's getting a long night!" Jo called and began telling Zoe everything.

….

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